Topic:

About the statement "The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives"

Essay:

Reviewing back to history, science existed before it was mentioned. Since science itself possesses both advantages and disadvantages in different fields, in the usage of scientific projects, forecasting the consequences became the most important process for pre-scientific projects. Improving scientific knowledge and applying it to different purposes, enhances both the positive and negative consequences if the caution is less presentable in the situation.

The world is composed of different varieties of living species species, [Possible missing comma found.] and people should be aware that having the intention of surviving alone will make the goal more unreachable. With the help of science, people's health, living, and education are undeniably easier than before. I agree with the statement that " " [Incorrectly used dash or quote characters; Don’t put a space on both sides of a quote symbol.]The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives " [Punctuation Error; Unpaired symbol: ‘"’ seems to be missing] to some extent. It is evident that scientists normally aim for the advantage of others unless complicated politics or business projects are not included. Thinking about the improvement of people's lives, improving only people's lives, and degrading natural resources are not acceptable and , and [Punctuation Error; Use a comma before “and” if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).] the result will last only temporarily. The help of nature plays an enormous support in lasting the last more permanent.

In my way of thinking, science's purpose should be the process of improving people's lives by upgrading the earth's health. The purity of air, water, the diversity, and the abundant [Grammar Error; The phrase ‘the abundant of’ is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between ‘the’ and ‘of’.] of natural resources will upgrade the quality of people's lives. In conclusion, people, being the smart species in nature, have a definite responsibility to improve themselves and their surroundings. The most important part is that people need to have a strong morality in every field and every usage.

6.0
Overall Band Score
6.0 - Coherence and Cohesion
6.5 - Lexical Resource
6.0 - Task Response
6.0 - Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Good Vocabulary Used : presentable, possesses, usage, enhances, caution
How to improve your band score?
Keep your paragraphs count to 4-5 Paragraphs. This would increase your Coherence Band from 6.0 to 7.5.
You wrote 3 paragraphs. It is advised to maintain 4-5 paragraphs. Check this blog by IELTS Liz'
Coherence Cohersion Feedback - 6.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Referencing and substitution used
- ✔️Ideas logically sequenced
- ✔️All paragraphs have central topic
- ✔️Proper Paragraphing
- 🟡 Variety of cohesive devices used
The essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and ensure a smooth flow. The repetitive use of phrases like 'improving people's lives' and 'scientific projects' could be replaced with synonyms or pronouns for better cohesion.
- 🟡 Essay has clear flow
The transition between Paragraph 2 and Paragraph 3 could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay. Consider using transitional phrases to connect these ideas more effectively.
- Paragraph Count
Currently you wrote 3 paragraphs. It is advised to write 4-5 paragraphs. Check this blog by IELTS Liz
Lexical Resource Feedback - 6.5
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Complex phrasing used correctly
- ✔️Variety of words used to prevent repetition
- ✔️Spelling and word formation used correctly
- ✔️Formal language used
- 🟡 Collocation (which verb match which noun) used correctly
The student has used some collocations incorrectly in the essay. For example, 'forecasting the consequences became the most important process for pre-scientific projects' - 'forecasting the consequences' is not a common collocation. A better collocation would be 'predicting the outcomes'. To improve, the student should focus on using more common and accurate collocations throughout the essay.
- 🟡 The vocabulary used is precise and expressive and fit the topic
The vocabulary chosen by the student mostly fits the topic, but there are instances where it could be more precise and expressive. For example, 'the result will last only temporarily' could be improved to 'the outcome will only be temporary'. To enhance vocabulary precision, the student should aim for more specific and impactful word choices throughout the essay.
Grammatical Range Accuracy Feedback - 6.0
Using IELTS grading criteria.

- ✔️Used appropriate grammar tenses
- ✔️Major grammatical Errors are avoided
- 🟡 Variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences used
The essay lacks a variety of sentence structures, mostly consisting of simple sentences. To enhance the essay's readability and sophistication, the student should incorporate more complex and compound sentences. For instance, in the sentence 'The world is composed of different varieties of living species and people should be aware that having the intention of surviving alone will make the goal more unreachable,' combining ideas into a complex sentence would improve the flow.
- 🟡 Sentence structures are used appropriately
The essay contains some awkward and unclear sentence structures that make it difficult to understand the intended meaning. For example, 'Reviewing back to history, science existed before it was mentioned' is unclear and lacks coherence. To improve, the student should focus on using clear and concise sentence structures.
- 🟡 Used punctuation accurately
There are instances of incorrect punctuation that affect the clarity of the essay. For example, 'Improving scientific knowledge and applying it to different purposes, enhances both the positive and negative consequences if the caution is less presentable in the situation.' The comma placement is incorrect here. The student should pay attention to proper punctuation usage to improve coherence and readability.
Detailed Feedback and Analysis
Sentence: Since science itself possesses both advantages and disadvantages in different fields, in the usage of scientific projects, forecasting the consequences became the most important process for pre-scientific projects.
Error Type: Coherence and Cohesion
Error: Lack of clarity and coherence in connecting ideas within the sentence.
Correction: To improve coherence, consider restructuring the sentence to clearly connect the idea of advantages and disadvantages with forecasting consequences in scientific projects.

Explanation: The sentence lacks clear connection between the idea of science having advantages and disadvantages and the importance of forecasting consequences. Restructuring will help improve coherence.

Sentence: Improving scientific knowledge and applying it to different purposes, enhances both the positive and negative consequences if the caution is less presentable in the situation.
Error Type: Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Error: Incorrect use of "presentable" which does not fit contextually.
Correction: Replace "presentable" with a more suitable word like "evident" or "evident."

Explanation: The word "presentable" does not fit well in this context. Using a more appropriate word will enhance clarity and accuracy.

Sentence: With the help of science, people's health, living, and education are undeniably easier than before.
Error Type: Lexical Resource
Error: Inappropriate use of "undeniably" which does not fit well in this context.
Correction: Replace "undeniably" with a more suitable word like "significantly" or "noticeably."

Explanation: The word "undeniably" may not be the best choice here. Using a more fitting term will enhance lexical resource.

Overall Feedback:
- Work on improving coherence by ensuring clear connections between ideas within sentences.
- Enhance grammatical accuracy by using appropriate words that fit well within the context.
- Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more effectively.